Resources/Articles

Nurturing Connection

3 students (2 girls, 1 boy) sit together at a table in a school library. The boy and one of the girls both have Down syndrome.

How Schools Can Support Friendship for Students with Down Syndrome

By Kailey J. DeLucry, B.A., M.A., Ph.D. Candidate in Clinical Psychology

Reprinted from 3.21: Canada’s Down Syndrome Magazine (Issue #24: The Back to School Issue). Click here to download the full magazine.

Canadian children spend more than half the year in school.1 When we picture those hours, we often think of reading, writing, and math. But school is more than academics. It’s also where kids learn to navigate the social world. In fact, school is a foundational setting where children build the skills to get along with others, consider different perspectives, and form meaningful connections, such as friendships.

Friendship is an essential part of growing up.2 It offers companionship, a sense of belonging, and social support through the (sometimes bumpy) journey from childhood to adolescence. Yet making and keeping friends doesn’t come easily to every child. While researchers have explored how educators can support friendships among students with and without disabilities,3 the specific needs and experiences of students with Down syndrome have received far less attention.

This underrepresentation raises an important question:How can schools more intentionally support friendship for students with Down syndrome?Research and lived experience suggest that a thoughtful and flexible approach is necessary.

Of course, every child is unique. Knowing one student with Down syndrome means just that. You’ve gotten to know one individual. At the same time, many students with Down syndrome share differences in how they communicate, process information,4 or manage physical health needs.5

These differences are a natural part of human diversity. The real issue isn’t the differences themselves, but that so many environments aren’t designed with this range of human experience in mind. When we fail to consider all the ways children think, move, and communicate, we create spaces where friendship becomes harder to access.

The Social Model of Disability6 invites us to shift our focus away from trying to “fix” the individual and instead ask: How does the world (or, in this case, school environment) help or restrict children from taking part and feeling like they belong? According to this model, it is not a child’s disability that limits them, but the barriers built into society. Barriers like inaccessible buildings, limited bathroom access, exclusive programming7, and a general lack of understanding about neurodiversity can all get in the way of opportunities for inclusion and connection.

The Good News

Canadian caregivers have shared practical ideas about what helps at school and what doesn’t. While not every strategy or barrier applies to every student or setting, their perspectives offer a valuable opportunity to reflect on, and reimagine, how schools can become safer, more inclusive places where all students, including those with Down syndrome, can build lasting, authentic friendships.

Friendship is Complicated

Before exploring these strategies and barriers, it’s worth asking: What does friendship truly mean?

If you find it hard to define, you’re not alone. Friendship is nuanced and abstract. Even researchers who’ve studied it for decades often disagree on a single definition. At its core, friendship involves two people who choose to spend time together and who both benefit from the relationship in some way. While that might sound a bit formal, it’s a helpful starting point.

Friendship also looks different across ages and stages of development.8 For young children, it often means spending time with someone nearby, such as a neighbour or classmate, who is similar in age or gender and enjoys the same activities, like drawing or playing tag. As children grow, friendships usually become more intimate. Older kids begin to value qualities like closeness, trust, and the ability to navigate disagreements.9

Changing Social Landscape

During the early school years, children form positive peer connections through shared play and classroom activities. But as students enter the middle elementary years and beyond, friendships become more socially complex. Friendships begin to rely on fast-paced verbal conversations, unstructured (and sometimes inaccessible) time outside the classroom, and subtle, unspoken social rules.

As these demands shift, students with Down syndrome may experience what some caregivers describe as a widening social“gap.” This gap doesn’t reflect a lack of interest or ability to connect. Instead, it highlights a mismatch between a child’s strengths and the increasingly nuanced social landscape around them.

How might these social changes affect students with Down syndrome? Without intentional and consistent support, opportunities for social connection can begin to narrow. Fortunately, schools are uniquely positioned to help bridge this gap. By adopting adaptive strategies that evolve alongside students, educators can play a key role in fostering meaningful friendships for all.

Ways to Nurture Connection

As part of my research training in Clinical Psychology, I had the privilege of speaking with Canadian caregivers about how schools influenced their children’s friendship experiences. They shared four simple yet powerful strategies that support social connection in the classroom.

1. Guide social skills

One way educators can foster friendships is by supporting ongoing social skill development. In neuro-affirming spaces (meaning, places where all types of people are respected), educators can model and explicitly teach core skills, such as starting conversations, joining groups, asking to play, or recognizing others’ feelings.

While some children learn these skills through observation, students with Down syndrome benefit from structured, concrete, and repeated teaching. Breaking interactions down into manageable steps, paired with visual aids, can build confidence and social understanding.

Importantly, the goal isn’t to encourage students to hide who they are or conform to a neurotypical (or socially expected) way of socializing. Social skill instruction should honour each child’s authenticity and scaffold self-directed connection. Equally important is teaching classmates without Down syndrome about the many valid ways to be a friend.

2. Help repair friendship ruptures

Disagreements are a normal part of friendship, but they can be especially hard for students who express themselves in ways that others may not be familiar with, or when their words or actions are misinterpreted. Caregivers noted that it can be helpful for educators to guide kids with Down syndrome through peer conflicts by supporting communication differences and encouraging perspective-taking. With repetition and direct discussion, these moments can become rich learning opportunities that carry over into other areas of life.

3. Pair students thoughtfully

Some caregivers reported that their child’s most meaningful friendships began when an educator intentionally paired their child with a well-suited classmate. Caregivers emphasized how hard it can be to know which classmates might share their child’s interests and qualities. Considering educators’ daily knowledge of student dynamics, they are in a good position to foster connections between students who genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Still, shared characteristics don’t always guarantee friendship. For example, two students with Down syndrome may share a diagnosis, but that alone doesn’t mean they’ll have the chemistry needed for a genuine friendship.

4. Foster a culture of belonging

All students benefit from learning environments that foster acceptance and integration. While there are many ways to cultivate a culture of belonging, some ideas include diversifying classroom materials (e.g., supplying books featuring characters with Down syndrome), celebrating differences (e.g., school-wide recognition of World Down Syndrome Day10), and honouring all forms of communication.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to friendship. What works for one student may not work for another. That’s why it’s essential to tailor support to the needs of each child and classroom.

What Can Get in the Way

Understanding strategies that support friendship is important, but so is reflecting on the societal barriers that stand in the way.         Critically thinking about these obstacles allows us to identify ways to address and dismantle them. Let’s take a look at some common challenges caregivers noted.

1. Negative attitudes or misconceptions about disability

    When adults hold limiting beliefs about what a child can do, it can affect the social opportunities they receive. Misunderstandings, such as the harmful myth that people with Down syndrome are always happy,11 can lead to overlooked support needs or unrecognized desires for connection.

    2. Inconsistent or overly intensive support

    Some students benefit from support when joining activities or navigating peer interactions. But when that support is inconsistent or unavailable, they miss out on key social moments.

    The reverse can also be true: When adults step in too much, students may not get the chance to build independence. For example, could staff support a student to sit with a peer on a bus ride instead of sitting with them? Noticing these small but meaningful opportunities can play a big role in sparking connection.

    3. Unintentional consequences of extra attention

    Some caregivers have noticed that school staff sometimes treat their children like “celebrities” or “rock stars.” While this attention is often well-intentioned, frequent praise or being singled out can unintentionally create social distance between peers. Creating a classroom culture that recognizes and values a wide range of student strengths can help promote a stronger sense of belonging for everyone.

    Looking Ahead

    Friendship is a central part of childhood and life. Children with Down syndrome have both the ability and the right to experience the connection, joy, and growth that come from enduring friendships.

    Fostering these connections doesn’t always require sweeping change. Caregiver insights point to something far more attainable: reflection, compassion, flexibility, and creativity. Sometimes that means rethinking how we group students. Other times, it means creating intentional space for emotional learning. Challenging the less visible barriers is equally important. This requires taking the time to consider the assumptions and expectations that shape who feels welcome and who is left out.

    Ultimately, while this piece centers on students with Down syndrome, the responsibility lies with all of us as educators, peers, and community members to develop safer spaces for everyone.

    My ongoing doctoral dissertation in Clinical Psychology (University of Regina) serves as the basis for this work. I am grateful to all the individuals who generously shared their time and insights. I dedicate this piece to my wonderful brother, Sam.

    References

    1. Statistics Canada. (2018). The learning environment and organization of schools. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/81-604-x/2020001/ch/chc-eng.htm  
    2. Rubin, K. H., Dwyer, K. M., Booth-LaForce, C., Kim, A. H., Burgess, K. B., & Rose-Krasnor, L. (2004). Attachment, friendship, and psychosocial functioning in early adolescence. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 24(4), 326–356. https://doi.org/10.1177/0272431604268530
    3. Farmer, T. W., McAuliffe Lines, M., & Hamm, J. V. (2011). Revealing the invisible hand: The role of teachers in children’s peer experiences. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 32(5), 247–256. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2011.04.006
    4. Tungate, A. S., & Conners, F. A. (2021). Executive function in Down syndrome: A meta-analysis. Research in Developmental Disabilities, 108, 103802. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ridd.2020.103802
    5. Forster-Gibson, & C., Berg, J. (2015). Health Watch Table – Down Syndrome. Surrey Place Centre.
    6. Oliver, M. (1983). Social work with disabled people. MacMillan Education Ltd.
    7. Kerr-Lazenby, M. (2025, March 3). Girl with Down syndrome turned away from Vancouver art class, mom says. CTV News Vancouver. Retrieved July 7, 2025, from https://www.ctvnews.ca/vancouver/article/girl-with-down-syndrome-turned-away-from-vancouver-art-class-mom-says/
    8. Hays, R.B. (1988). Friendship. In S. Duck (Ed.), Handbook of personal relationships (pp. 391-408). New York: John Wiley & Sons.
    9. Poulin, F., & Chan, A. (2010). Friendship stability and change in childhood and adolescence. Developmental Review, 30(3), 257–272. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2009.01.001
    10. Katie Jameson’s World Down Syndrome Day Education Resource: https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/1872060191/world-down-syndrome-day-education?ref=shop_home_feat_3&sts=1&logging_key=d5abedd8e2ce6caa38c46a3e7a2bf726e7207334%3A1872060191
    11. Kaposy, C. (2023). The Beautiful Unwanted: Down Syndrome in Myth, Memoir, and Bioethics. Montreal: McGill-Queen’s University Press. https://doi.org/10.1515/9780228019671